These Words shared by My Father That Helped Me when I became a New Dad

"I think I was merely trying to survive for a year."

One-time reality TV personality Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the difficulties of being a father.

Yet the reality soon turned out to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health complications around the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into acting as her chief support as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every change… each outing. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

After 11 months he burnt out. It was a conversation with his parent, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he needed help.

The direct words "You aren't in a good spot. You must get assistance. What can I do to support you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and regain his footing.

His experience is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now better used to discussing the stress on mums and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan feels his struggles are symptomatic of a larger inability to communicate between men, who still absorb negative notions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and stays upright every time."

"It isn't a sign of failure to request help. I failed to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, says men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - especially in front of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental well-being is equally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the chance to ask for a respite - going on a couple of days away, separate from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he required a change to focus on his and his partner's feelings in addition to the practical tasks of looking after a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to better grasp the vocabulary of feelings and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked stable male guidance. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, deep-held emotional pain resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "terrible choices" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as an escape from the hurt.

"You turn to things that are harmful," he explains. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling swamped, tell a family member, your other half or a therapist how you're feeling. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the pursuits that made you feel like yourself before becoming a parent. It could be playing sport, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical health - nutritious food, physical activity and if you can, sleep, all are important in how your mind is coping.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - hearing about their journeys, the challenges, and also the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help does not mean you've failed - looking after your own well-being is the most effective way you can care for your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having had no contact with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead offer the stability and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - processing the emotions safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men because they confronted their issues, changed how they talk, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I wrote, sometimes I believe my role is to teach and advise you what to do, but actually, it's a dialogue. I'm learning as much as you are on this path."